Yesterday I went on a date. On the way there, I called Mom from my magic Bluetooth car phone booth.
Me (39, ostensibly an adult): I don’t want to go!
Mom: Just have a good time. You’re overthinking it. Just be cool.
Me: There’s alcohol involved.
Mom: Drink a big glass of water. Not instead of the drink. With the drink. Just remember that he’s probably more uncomfortable than you are.
Me: Mom. That’s something you say to someone who’s afraid of a spider.
Mom: I would never say that about a spider.
We said good-bye. But then, as my mother has done an astonishing number of times in the last 15 years, she didn’t hang up her phone and immediately turned to my dad to give him the replay. It played in my car.
Mom: She’s going on a date. She just got there. With this guy, the geologist. (She imitates me:) “I don’t want to do this!”
Parents: (HELPLESS LAUGHTER)
Mom: At a tiki bar. She said, “Not my choice!” (Laughs. Then she imitates me AGAIN:) “I don’t want to go!”
Parents: (MORE HELPLESS LAUGHTER)
Mom (recovering): Do you want to watch Will and Grace?
Whatever, Mom and Dad. Because I GOT KITTENS. Two to foster for two weeks! And I’m picking up two more today, so I will have FOUR KITTENS.
To make this out-of-season salad, go to any grocery store because of globalization and buy:
- Cherry tomatoes
- Persian cucumbers
- Castelvetrano olives
- Salt & olive oil
- Maras Turkish Chile, available from your Turkish friend or from the Oakland Spice Shop
And then figure it out from the picture because KITTENS. OMG.