NOTES TO SELF WHILE TRAVELING ALONE IN OAXACA, MEXICO
The good thing about not speaking the language: You can’t talk me into anything because I have no idea what you’re saying.
La cuenta = the check
Hoy = today
Voy = I go
Ahora = now
Bonita = pretty
Efectivo = cash
Tengo novio = I have a boyfriend
Travel Tips by Jenny
1. Learn the word for “where.”
The bad: You will have 70 hours of vacation taken out of your paychecks. Your rent will most likely go up to [$$$] next month. You will most likely need to start paying off your student loan at [$$$] the month after that.
The good: You have full medical coverage. You have a job you love. You have an apartment you love. You have a car that works. Your family is still alive. You are still 39 for another three months.
Stop eating the chicharrones.
Minipoodles are the dog of choice here.
Donde estamos = Where are we?
Mosca = mosquito
Go through novel and cut all summary. Just cut all the boring parts and leave only the good parts.
Recent thought: “I think that alcohol had a lot of beer in it.”
Look up “tengo” and “puedo.”
List of things past traveling companions have done on vacations with me:
1. Insisted on spending four days inside the air-conditioned cabana because it was “too hot” outside.
2. Threw his backpack on a hiking trail because he couldn’t find his rain pants.
3. Threw a sandwich because a stewardess handed him one that wasn’t vegetarian.
4. Threatened to take the next plane back to California and leave me without the hotel reservations.
5. Made a pun about victims of the Khmer Rouge.
6. Had a farting competition with his parents during a card game.
7. Nearly killed us on a motorcycle in Vietnam.
8. Tried to lie his way into an international writing conference with Jeffrey Eugenides.
List of things I’ve done on past vacations with traveling companions:
1. Insulted an entire country because an airport shopkeeper wouldn’t sell me a bottle of wine because my plane was boarding in ten minutes.
2. Threw a shit fit at 1 a.m. and took off in the car into Sonoma County.
3. Threw a shit fit at 1 a.m. and took off on foot into Prague.
4. Threw a shit fit in Ubud, Bali, and threatened to leave boyfriend.
5. Threw a shit fit in Battambang, Cambodia, and threatened to leave boyfriend.
6. Threw a dessert plate over the side of a cruise ship into the Baltic Sea.
7. Nearly killed us on a scooter in Vietnam.
8. Tried to lie my way into an international writing conference with Jeffrey Eugenides
1. Team-building exercises
To make a paloma you need:
1 part tequila
3 parts grapefruit juice
Round-trip tickets to Oaxaca, Mexico
A menu that says “paloma.”