Mango plum crumble and WTF 39 1/2 weeks

I’m officially on maternity leave THANK THE FUCKING LORD, and just in time: I’m having all the symptoms of end-stage pregnancy. Can’t get comfortable. Can’t sleep. Gotta pee. Gotta poo. And then I’ll get a BURST OF ENERGY and, for example, wash all the cushions on both couches and vacuum them both. Then wash all…

Slutty brownie cups, hentai porn, and millennials are trying to kill me

So, I feel amazing. As I learned from a friend of Strong Jawline (my provider of intercourse for the last nine months), the second trimester is sometimes known as the “party-mester.” That’s mostly because of the pregnancy sex. But we’re still not living together, so Strong Jawline is not always available. So there’s internet porn. But I can’t watch…

Cinnamon chocolate-chip banana bread and WTF happiness

Happy Wednesday, Vibe Tribe!! NO We’re always on the lookout for a feel good fix—that sweet little boost of HAPPY. IS THIS THE KIND THAT COSTS $60 A GRAM Your vibe attracts your tribe… right? Why not engage with the world at your highest frequency possible? MY FAVORITE PART IS WHEN YOU CAN’T FEEL YOUR MOUTH…

Pumpkin pie and WTF, girlfriend

It’s possible I am not, empirically speaking, a “good girlfriend,” or a “good person.” I have peeled away from curbs, leaving men who only moments earlier were passengers in my car stranded on the side of the road (and not gone back for them). I once kicked a very handsome young urban planner out of my apartment at…

Birthday cake and Rose and Dave arrive from Chicago

I spent my last day as a 30-something AT COSTCO WITH MY PARENTS. Dad: How are you going to serve the goat cheese? Jenny: What? Dad: Are you going to chop it? Or just leave it out there for people. Jenny: I … I don’t know. I think with the bread. Dad: Because goat cheese…