Lasagna and catching my new husband masturbating in the shower

On Thursday, April 20, SJ and I got married. That day I worked until 2 p.m., threw on my wedding dress in the building’s bathroom, and took a Lyft to City Hall. SJ and I¬†were dying to take pictures of ourselves with SJ holding his shotgun (a real-live shotgun wedding!), but we were pretty sure…