Jenny and Baby Visit Rose and Dave: Special Bonus Edition

Even though my parents were just in San Francisco to meet the baby/Barnacle, I recently took the baby/Barnacle to Evanston, Illinois, to stay with them for 10 days. While we were still in San Francisco, Mom specifically said YES YOU DID MOM YES YOU DID that the ban on writing about her — or, more…

Midnight snack in Chicago and one day with Rose and Dave

I arrive at O’Hare late Wednesday night after 10 hours of travel from San Francisco. Dad picks me up at baggage claim. His first topic of conversation, after greeting me, is everything he’s posted recently on Facebook. Dave: I sent SJ (SJ is my provider of intercourse for, lo, these past eight months) a message. (What Dad means…

No-knead bread and WTF first trimester

Last Sunday, Strong Jawline and I Skyped my parents in Evanston, Illinois, to announce that he had successfully impregnated me. Rose and Dave, peering at the screen with their matching crowns of white hair and wire-rimmed glasses, were so surprised they erupted into applause. I’d wanted to add my brother and his wife to the conversation, but since Skype…

Pumpkin pie and WTF, girlfriend

It’s possible I am not, empirically speaking, a “good girlfriend,” or a “good person.” I have peeled away from curbs, leaving men who only moments earlier were passengers in my car stranded on the side of the road (and not gone back for them). I once kicked a very handsome young urban planner out of my apartment at…

Birthday cake and Rose and Dave arrive from Chicago

I spent my last day as a 30-something AT COSTCO WITH MY PARENTS. Dad: How are you going to serve the goat cheese? Jenny: What? Dad: Are you going to chop it? Or just leave it out there for people. Jenny: I … I don’t know. I think with the bread. Dad: Because goat cheese…

Scenes from a Chinese wedding

My brother, Jesse, lives in China, and last week he got married. So Rose and Dave and I descended on him during typhoon season because everyone looks great in 90 percent humidity. Note to self: Foreign airlines are generally better than American airlines EXCEPT AIR CHINA HOLY MEAN-FACE STEWARDESSES AND SHITTY FOOD. HOW DO YOU FUCK UP…

Kitchen sink salad and Rose and Dave against the world

Mexico was great. I didn’t get roofied. But I did nearly get into a car I shouldn’t have gotten into. I travel-palled at a tourist site with a Dominican guy, and we missed the last truck home. So he asked three other stragglers if they’d drive us down the mountain. The main guy, wearing a neon green muscle T-shirt…

The bomb hummus and Rose and Dave celebrate 44 years

Recently my father’s emails have the anthropological value of reminding me, or future me, of what has been stressing me out recently. To wit: “Start this kind of day, or tomorrow if that applies, with the knowledge that your are listened to, supported, encouraged…and loved by your dad.  (I realize that may have little or no…

Breakfast tacos and 18 cm. = 7 ins.

My Mom updated her website. This is the description of one of her artist books: Why Me? 2003 Why Me? is about acne from an adolescent girl’s perspective. Text by Jenny [last name]. 9″ x11″ handmade paper with embedded dried beans, inkjet text. Did my mother bake cookies? No. Did she drive me to choir rehearsal? Only under…

Limoncello and Skyping with Rose and Dave

On Mother’s Day I Skyped with my parents. Mom: I knew I was bad with the language when you were two, and you were in the bathroom and you couldn’t get a towel to wrap the way you wanted or something. And I heard you say, “Oh, dammit!” Jenny: I did?? Mom: I’m not kidding. At…

Summer salad and Rose coaches Jenny before a date

Yesterday I went on a date. On the way there, I called Mom from my magic Bluetooth car phone booth. Me (39, ostensibly an adult): I don’t want to go! Mom: Just have a good time. You’re overthinking it. Just be cool. Me: There’s alcohol involved. Mom: Drink a big glass of water. Not instead of the drink….