Plum sauce and prenatal WTF

Today I sat down with a pen (WHAT’S THAT) and a piece of paper (NOW YOU’RE JUST BEING SILLY) and typed into Google: “What to do when you’re trying to get pregnant” I’m not actively trying to get pregnant EXACTLY. But I am currently shtupping someone with a VERY strong jawline, and it’s been a…

Loquat compote and death by millennial song lyrics

Over Memorial Day weekend I drove to a barbecue and on the way listened to Spotify’s “Discover” playlist they made for me. Generally this involves me skipping through most of the fucking garbage they try to feed me, but often I save one, sometimes two, songs to my “Brand-New Faves” playlist. First, this mellowish song with potential transitioned into…

Sunday night pasta sauce and WTF online dating

I’ve been single for nine days. I opened a bottle of rosé and paid for a three-month subscription to Match.com (I think). I also signed up for something called MeetMindful, a “conscious” dating site that has a total of 45 people on it, each of whom has an inspirational quote on his profile, such as “I am not…