Lasagna and catching my new husband masturbating in the shower

On Thursday, April 20, SJ and I got married. That day I worked until 2 p.m., threw on my wedding dress in the building’s bathroom, and took a Lyft to City Hall. SJ and I were dying to take pictures of ourselves with SJ holding his shotgun (a real-live shotgun wedding!), but we were pretty sure…

Honey rosemary walnuts and we need to talk about pregnancy sex

I dedicate this entry to my parents. The first time I heard about pregnancy sex was in 2004 when writer friend Michelle Richmond published an article on Salon.com called “Oh baby!: Why didn’t anyone tell me that pregnancy sex is amazing?” I’d never heard of it, mostly because in 2004 I was 28 years old,…

No-knead bread and WTF first trimester

Last Sunday, Strong Jawline and I Skyped my parents in Evanston, Illinois, to announce that he had successfully impregnated me. Rose and Dave, peering at the screen with their matching crowns of white hair and wire-rimmed glasses, were so surprised they erupted into applause. I’d wanted to add my brother and his wife to the conversation, but since Skype…