Bolognese sauce and everything all at once

Gargantubaby is 27 months old. He wears 4T shirts and pants. Most shoes don’t fit him because his feet are like little pound cakes. He’s almost too big for me to lie on my back, pick him up by the hips, and hold him upside down, crying, “Shake out your change! Shake out your change!” We’ve…

German chocolate cake and Things I’ve Learned: Baby Turns 2 Edition

It happened. My newborn became an infant became a toddler became a kid. LIKE TIME THROUGH AN HOURGLASS THESE ARE THE MOTHERFUCKING DAYS OF OUR EVER-SHORTENING LIVES. My son has a game. He says, “Mama.” I say, “Yes?” He says, “BEAR!” I say, “WHERE OH MY GOD WHERE’S THE BEAR WHERE’S THE BEAR.” He watches…

Breadcrumb pasta and fuck you, United

Oh, summer. I’ve been to Evanston and back to visit Rose and Dave. SJ and I took the kids camping over Fourth of July. We had Gargantubaby’s second birthday party over the weekend YES HE’S TWO TOMORROW MORE ON THAT LATER. Gargantubaby, holding a plastic dinosaur: “Hi, di-o-saurrr. I name [Gargantubaby’s name]. I eat you!”…

Za’atar chicken with garlicky yogurt and life on Lexapro

Writing an angry blog when you take out the angry part isn’t easy. Also, writing a blog when you take out the motivated-by-anxiety-about-how-little-you’ve-accomplished-by-age-42 part is not easy. I’M A MIDDLE-AGED COPY EDITOR WITH NO CAREER OBJECTIVES ACCEPTANCE IS KEY. For the past two months, Lexapro has helped with EVERYTHING. OH MY FUCKING GOD. These are…

Banana, peanut butter, yogurt smoothie and WTF surgery

Three weeks ago Wednesday, I went in for routine surgery to remove a large dermoid cyst from my ovary. BA DUM CHING. Instead of complying with the surgeon’s plan to be contained in a tightly rolled-up plastic bag, popped within that bag, then sucked out through a tube, my cyst decided to rupture and spew…

Cornmeal pancakes and WTF 2019

Destructibaby is 17 months old. When he cries, his sweet mouth widens to a warbling rectangle and tears leak down his cheeks, and he stands with his arms at his sides, chin up, crying out, “Hon-eeeee! Hon-eeeee!” After hearing it a few times, I said to SJ, “It sounds like he’s saying ‘honey.’” Then I…

Boxed wine and WTF tumor

On Friday, a doctor said something to me no woman wants to hear: “You have a mass on your ovary, and it could be benign!” (SJ: I think a man would like to hear that even less.) Spoiler alert: I don’t have cancer. But I didn’t know that for sure until Monday, and on Friday…

Slow-cooker chicken congee and the problem with The Runaway Bunny

My son, current nickname Dirtbaby, is 14 months old. He has been walking for three months and no longer holds his arms in front of him like a zombie. He says “thank you” and “book” and “ball” and “hello” and “bye-bye.” He also says “mama” and knows that it’s me I HAVE A SON AND…