Chicken cacciatora and WTF
Gargantubaby, age 4, takes a sip of water at breakfast.
Water is food, he says.
TEACHING MOMENT, my brain screams.
Do you know why we need water so much? I say. I launch into an explanation of how our body is made up of tiny things so small we can’t see them, and those things are made up mostly of water, and we drink water so those things can thrive and grow, and that’s why water is healthy for us. Gargantubaby listens politely.
Do oranges talk? he asks.
*
His imaginary friends are still around, although I keep thinking they’re going to fade away. Every once in a while, I think he’s speaking to me, and I’ll say, What was that, honey?
I’m talking to GUJA, he’ll say, exasperated.
Guja’s still his No. 1. I check in on his ancillary pack.
Jenny: How’s Bab?
GB: Bab is drawing. Bab never goes to sleep.
Jenny: How is Burgertown?
GB: Burgertown is good. Burgertown is half burger, half hamburger town store. Burgertown walks and nothing else. Burgertown walks all day. Burgertown never gets tired.
*
GB calls Owlette on a piece of packing foam. Once he has assured her that he’s brushing his teeth right now, he informs her that he can’t talk right now because he has a meeting.
*
GB: Mommy, you have old skin. You have old people skin!
***
It was a challenging week. Some old issues surfaced, and on Tuesday night anxiety kept me up until past 3 a.m., through two of SJ’s trazadones, herbal tea, cannabis, and a small glass of wine. Nothing worked, my brain swirling with every moment of shame going back 20 years, until, very late at night, the familiar glittery sensation of sleep came over my body so I knew, thank god, I would finally get some rest.
I’ve known for months that something has to give. In just over a week I’ll be 45, and if I don’t slow down, stop fighting every fight, stop working so much, stop eschewing leisure time and exercise I am doing to DIE. So I have become even more lax in responding to email, fallen off social media, and stopped promoting my book (well, not completely BUY MY BOOK FOR GOD’S SAKE I’LL HAVE A HEART ATTACK IF YOU DON’T). I also have been taking advantage of my new hours at my new job to take morning walks at Heron’s Head Park, where every day I can see seals, puppies, and an incredible variety of birds.
Speaking of jobs, I sent this letter to my former employer this morning, a nonprofit that publishes children’s media reviews:
Dear team,
I learned that X — my replacement in the copy editor role, for the job I created and the job description I wrote — was hired on at 25% more than my outgoing salary. The only difference between the two of us — except that I have more experience copy editing and went to a more highly rated school in our field — is that he is a man.
In 2019 I asked for a salary increase, and a move from Job Level 2 to Job Level 3, through a comprehensive presentation I made to X, who passed it on to X. The increase I asked for was from $X to $X [I’m all about transparency in salary but someone else’s salary is involved so I’m redacting it here]. [My manager] told me in a check-in that my ask was embarrassingly high. After our conversation, I apologized for asking for so much. In December 2000, I was given a [SMALL] bump to $X.
Less than nine months after that salary bump; only two months after I left Common Sense Media [name of organization left in because isn’t it interesting? Also everything in this letter will hold up]; and after multiple years of the executive team telling the staff that we had a "flat budget," someone new to the organization, in exactly the same role — with no more reports than I had, still two contract freelancers — has been hired on at $[A LOT FUCKING MORE, EVEN MORE THAN MY SALARY INCREASE REQUEST].
I am writing to you today for your consideration as you move forward with a strong brand and the power to do good. I believe the organization held out on my salary request in the hopes that I would quit. It's hard to understand whether this was only gender discrimination, as gender is the most clear difference between me and my replacement, or whether something additional was at play. I received excellent performance reviews every year from four managers, consistently high praise from peer reviews, and an internal Common Sense Award for Honor the Individual, so it's possible that the following also were some of the reasons:
I was very visible, vocal, and active about diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging.
I supported the Common Sense Union from the beginning and recruited staff.
I advocated for a more equitable parental leave policy, including distributing a petition among the staff, so that Common Sense Media would offer its own employees the parental leave it advocated other employers offer their employees in its Right Start Commission Report, Rebuilding the California Dream.
I advocated for the nursing room to not become a storage space or a meeting room.
I advocated for greater transparency and communication with the staff about the internal DEI team and created, with X and X — who was laid off — a communications plan, which was suspended by X [someone on the executive team].
I co-created, with X — who also was laid off — the organization's external-facing DEI values statement.
I drew attention to the fact that the Common Sense Growth board was entirely White.
I advocated for racial diversity among the executive team in non-anonymous staff feedback; instead, two more White people were added, so that the Common Sense Media executive team currently is 6/7ths White.
I recommended to the executive team that the CEO's brother-in-law be removed as the creative director of Common Sensical podcasts if the goal was to create culturally competent content.
My feeling is that Common Sense Media, which did not lead these initiatives from the top down or, in many cases, support them, did not value these actions. I am hurt by the gaslighting — to be told repeatedly that I was valued, then to be denied a legitimate correction to my job classification and a reasonable salary increase, in light of my work both within my job description as copy editor and outside of it, to make the organization more diverse, inclusive, and equitable — its stated goals. Most of all I'm upset by how I was made to feel for advocating for myself — shamed — only to learn that someone untested — and male — was given more than I asked for, without even asking. I am deeply disappointed that, after seven years, this is my final impression of Common Sense Media.
Sincerely,
Jenny [True]
*
For anyone taking off their earrings on my behalf, I filed a complaint with the Labor Commissioner's Office for gender discrimination, and they won’t take the case because my replacement and I did not work at the organization at the same time. A private law firm says I may have a case, but after my family being dragged through family court from 2018 to 2020, I don't have the stomach for another lawsuit.
So I wrote a letter. And I feel better. Not like, awesome? But I’m not seeing red anymore, and Not Seeing Red is my goal for middle age. Read:
Starting two weeks ago, I’m not doing anything useful on weekday mornings or on the weekends, such as promoting my book or otherwise working. I’ve been hanging out with my kid WHO LEARNED HOW TO RIDE A BIKE HELLO, doing crossword puzzles, and taking walks. Also, after being Extremely Responsible with the advance from my book — giving 15% away, paying down our house, paying off my car loan, replacing our dirty, disgusting 16-year-old carpet, and setting the rest aside for savings and more work on our house — I bought my very own PIANO, which is being delivered TODAY, and I look forward to filling our home with poor renditions of Grieg, Joplin, Mozart, the soundtrack from Frozen, and Paul Simon. I feel my life span extending already (although a barrage of wrong notes may shorten everyone else’s).
*
On movie night, which in our house is Friday, I stomp around after Boss Baby: Family Business ends.
I legit can’t find my phone, I call out.
Nothing from SJ. Then: Legit?
His lack of tone carries all the subtle, stoic ribbing endemic to our generation, Gen X, which does not understand this new term, “legit.”
Legitimate! I call out. Never surrender!
*
On another movie night, GB and I dance to the outro music, as we always do, and this time we don't want to stop, so SJ DJ's from the couch. Somehow he comes up with “Faith” by George Michael.
SJ, I say. You. Don’t. Understand.
I give the performance of my life, singing every word and dancing around the living room in my Thinx brand period underpants. It’s the most fun I’ve had in a long time.
The next morning I say to SJ, That was fun.
SJ: You can dance around in those black underpants anytime.
Jenny: My Thinx underpants? I bought them from FSA.com when I was trying to spend down our medical FSA.
SJ: So they’re prescription underpants?
Jenny: I suppose they are.
*
Chicken cacciatora is one of my favorite dishes, so much so that I can’t believe I’ve never written a blog post about it. It’s my go-to for Meal Trains, which this one was, for a lovely neighbor who just had her fourth baby I GOT TO HOLD A NEWBORN LAST WEEK GOD HE WAS SO CUTE WRAPPED UP LIKE A LITTLE BURRITO.
It’s from a recipe pre-staff-revolt at Saveur, from when they used to send new subscribers these cute little recipe books as free gifts, and that I will never, ever throw away.
You need:
4 TB extra-virgin olive oil
2 medium onions, peeled and chopped
2 cloves garlic, peeled and minced
1 (3-lb.) chicken, cut into 8 pieces [I ALWAYS USE ALL CHICKEN THIGHS, SKIN ON]
1 cup dry white wine
1 (28-oz.) can peeled whole San Marzano tomatoes, chopped, juice reserved
1 bay leaf
1 tsp. minced fresh rosemary leaves
1⁄4 cup minced flat-leaf parsley
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 cup strong chicken stock [I HAVE NEVER USED THIS]
You need to:
Heat oil in a large pan over medium-high heat. Add onions and cook, stirring occasionally, until soft, about 10 minutes. Add garlic and cook, continuing to stir, for about 2 minutes more. Push onions to sides of pan, then add chicken and fry, turning pieces several times to brown evenly, about 4 minutes per side [IT NEVER REALLY BROWNS].
Add wine and cook until it evaporates, about 5 minutes [IT NEVER EVAPORATES]. Add tomatoes, with their juice, to chicken. Stir in bay leaf, rosemary, and parsley (reserving 1 tbsp. or so for garnish) and season to taste with salt and pepper. Reduce heat to low, partially cover, and simmer, adding chicken stock gradually as tomato juice evaporates [LIKE I SAID I ALWAYS BUY THE CHICKEN STOCK AND THEN I NEVER USE IT], for 45 minutes. Garnish with reserved parsley. Serve with steamed potatoes or white rice. [I ALWAYS, ALWAYS DO POLENTA WITH BUTTER AND PARMESAN CHEESE. I DON’T EVEN CARE ABOUT THE CHICKEN I MAKE THIS DISH 100% FOR THE TOMATO SAUCE ON THE BUTTERY CHEESY POLENTA. BUT THE PICTURE OF THE POLENTA DOESN’T LOOK AS GOOD SO I LED WITH THE CHICKEN.]
